Happy Birthday Appa

It's been exactly one year, I wrote a blog. It's January, Appa's birth month, 22nd is his birthday! Well I always remember his birthday as 23rd and Amma's as 22nd. But as brother says, its 22nd Appa's birthday, may be for this year, I will consider his birthday as 22nd! (lol). Well I have the biggest reason for today, it's already 22nd January in India, but in my part of the world its still 21st January, night. 

So 22nd is being celebrated all over India, the inauguration(Prana Prathishthapane) of lord Rama temple in Ayodhya after waiting for 500 years. It's a celebration day in India, I was watching on television, how people are excited, happy, celebrating like a festival, all over India. I am excited too. 

So for that reason, when India is celebrating, it's happy times for me as well, it's anyway appa's birth month, weather 22nd or 23rd, it's fine, double celebrations for me! 

Was wondering when I watching tv this morning, what would Appa say if he was now witnessing this lifetime event, waiting for over 500 years! Obviously he would be excited and happy, but I think he would have said, after darkness there will be light, patience always pays off ! He was a big 'quoter', I can say...for everything he had a quote. His biggest all time favorite was, "God helps those who helps themselves'! 

And he used to make us repeat it or he used to say "God helps.." and then stop and look at us, one of us should complete by saying the rest. lol. 

But back then it was funny maybe...but now, everything he said makes sense, has value, has meaning. Back then also, I knew and understood what he was saying, but now I feel more and more, he understood life so very well, so reasonable he was, such a good analyst he was. 

I just wish, every day, every moment, he was still around. I have so much to ask, to talk, to discuss, to share, to tell him! I wish if I had little more time with him, I wanted to tell him, ask him, share with him so many things...! I just wish....but it will be 7 years, this June, he left.

7 years ago, at this time I was with him, Amma had passed away, it was 6 months she passed and Appa had congestive heart failure and he was on oxygen. I went and stayed with him to spend some time. January 30th I left, I had one last picture with him, near the gate, saying him bye.

I did not know, that, I won't see him again alive, I won't be able to talk to him, hold his hands, which 'looked' weak, but when I hold the hand, he used to hold back, which was the same strong, firm, warm hand, which used to be, when I was a small kid, walking back from my grandmother's house in dark, I used to hold his hands, which I used to feel secured, safe. Because it was strong, firm, and warm! Till that day, the last day, January 30th, I felt the same!

So it was his 88th birthday I was with him. Did not celebrate because Amma had passed away 6 months ago. But today I feel that was such a blessed day, blessed year, because I could spend that birthday with him.

I miss him dearly, the pain is deep, sharp many times, the grief is unexplainable. But I feel happy, proud to be his daughter. He has instilled so much of values, principles and ideals, I try to incorporate all his ideologies in my life, may be modified as today the life is different and situations, circumstances are different. But definitely I do not compromise on basics, fundamental values. 

On his 95th birthday, Lord Shri Rama temple is being inaugurated, a big historic moment for India, for all the Indians. Rama was one of his favorite God's I can say or worshiped specially in our house, and he had given me the marble idol of Rama, Sita, Lakshmana and Hanuman which is mind blowing. He gave "Shri Rama Charita Manasa" book written by Shri Tulasidas, which is the poetic version of Ramayana written in Awadhi language. All of them I have kept in my Pooja room, only by looking at the face of Rama, only just seeing the book, gives me immense peace and remembrance of Appa, who was kind, loving, caring and dearest to me. It gives me strength to face the hardships, it gives me answers, most of all it gives peace.

I bow to dearest Appa from bottom of my heart for all the things he has done to me. On this auspicious day, I want to tell him, I am grateful, thankful, and love, cherish and most of all I miss him very much.

I just made some coffee, remembering him, cheers Appa. 

Happy Birthday !

Love you