9 Long years

Hello everyone, good evening, from my part of the world !

It's again June 2nd, and it's 9 years today, since Appa left, it feels so strange, 9 years is a long time. A lot of things have happened. And all of them, Appa is not a part of it, it hurts somewhere very deeply, if I come to think of it. Because he was always a major part of everything in my life. I used to ask his suggestion, his opinions, his input, his wisdom, his knowledge about everything.

His detailed explanation, he used to use a lot of quotes to refer to many things, his one major alway timer was "God helps those who help themselves "! Whenever I remember that quote, each and every time it gives me a different understanding, a different perspective and sometimes I can directly relate to a current situation I am dealing with! 

His vast knowledge and wisdom is matchless. I really really miss it and I strongly, strictly follow for many things and apply to many aspects of my life. His philosophy about life was amazing. He went through lot of hardships, as he lost his father at a very young age, when he was just a 4 years old. He could barely remember anything about his father.

But yet until his last breath, he performed, the yearly ceremony of his father, with huge dedication, love, respect and admiration. He only knew his father, through his grandfather and his mother. Appa never had a proper childhood, a huge responsibility of taking care of his mother and younger sister, came on to his tiny, young shoulders. 

Appa never ever missed performing his father's yearly ceremony, no matter what. He never missed any details any rituals and did it with so much of dedication and he was extremely lucky that, Amma cooperated and did all the rituals and she equally had respect and admiration for the "father in law" whom she only heard storied about him, from my grandmother! 

I/we(my brother and myself) grew up watching this enormous amount of respect and dedication to elders. I really admire and awe, bow to both Appa and Amma who had this respect about elders and everyone, in fact. 

Today, June 2nd, 9 years since Appa left...it's sort of ironic that, I cooked the "Thithi"/ceremony food today, for one of the friend who passed away 12 days ago, in a tragic bike accident and his wife and kids are performing the ceremony at home, trying to follow and incorporate all the rituals, here in US, which I felt is really amazing. As they asked the help to cook the food...I did it in remembrance of Appa! Wondering what he might have said if he knew I am helping in cooking the food and they are trying to keep up the tradition. Today when I dropped off the food, I saw his son performing the ritual, who is just 18 years old...and felt a deep, strong pain, looking at that young boy sitting and performing the ritual.

Imagined my Appa doing the same at a very young age, much more younger age....cannot imagine what he went through. My motivation of cooking for the ceremony is, as I saw the same dedication,( as my Appa and Amma used to do every year)today when I went to my friend's house, as they are struggling with the pain and the loss, yet have this 'belief' that doing this ritual will help their father/husband to attain the peace in afterlife and help in the transition and showing the gratitude and respect.

I miss you Appa and I cherish, respect and love you so much. After cooking and dropping off the food, I came back and had coffee, which was pretty strong and felt so good, remembered you, how you would like the strong coffee. I sipped the coffee quietly, remembering you, Appa, with gratitude, with love, with respect.