94th Birthday

Cheers Appa, MTR coffee!  Today in my part of the world, it's January 26th, I am 3 days late in writing this blog. It was Appa's Birthday, on 23rd and he would have turned or he turned 94 years! And it will be 6 years, this June 2nd, he left us(my brother and myself). Life is moving on, days, months, years are passing by. Our kids are growing up, already getting ready to spread their wings and all the preparations are going on, to flying out of the nest, in search of their own life, shaping them, creating them....! I will miss them...!

Appa never expressed how he felt....but I always knew, he missed me very much. I saw in his eyes! The eyes conveyed millions of emotions. But he never expressed anything, until my last visit. Well, we both did not know it would be the last time I will be seeing him alive, 6 years ago, the same time, in Jan when I spent one month with him, when he was unwell.

Before leaving, I hold his hands and said 'I will miss you, Appa'! And for that he responded first (last) in his lifetime as 'I miss you too..'! I was actually very surprised and happy to hear that from him! He generally will be silent and watching and standing bit far, folding his hands, when I leave. But that time, he spoke 'Please say thanks to son-in-law and grand daughters for adjusting for a month, it must be hard for them without you. But still they are very kind and affectionate, they adjusted so that you could spend time with me here. Please take care of your health and see if you can join to a job, big or small, dont worry about that, just go for work and I hopefully can see grand daughters, son-in-law and you in June, when they get summer vacation, but not sure, since you came now, you may not be able to come again?'

I assured him that we all will definitely will come in June to see him. But he passed away, on June 2nd, even before we all could go and see him. I still went but he wasn't there to greet me, and ask me 'hengidiya', how are you? I could not see the warmth, love, affectionate eyes. Once I settled down, finish all my initial chat with Amma, I definitely used to sit with him, chat with him, most of the time listen to him. I used to go to his room, where he would be reading a book,  and as soon as I enter, he used to close the book and say, 'sit sit, if you are not busy with anything else or if your conversation with your Amma is over', with a smile. I used to ask what he was reading..and he used to explain what he was reading, which would lead to a connection about life, it's mysteries, the philosophy, the explanation...! I never used to know how time passed by, because listening to him was such a treat, so much knowledge he had, so profound, many questions I had, would have gotten answered, even without asking. I used to get lot of peace talking to him. 

With so much going on in life....listening to him would actually calm me down, give peace, clarity and relieved and refresh and recharged! Now I feel, he was like a battery to me, recharged! And my Amma, or sometimes even my uncles or aunts who visited used to peep in the room and say 'oh Bhava,(brother in law) Bindu are talking, a deep conversations,' and Appa used to say, you can join too. And they used to join the conversation and it would be more interesting...my sister-in-law would peep in and ask if we want coffee...and of course, when can Appa and myself will say no to coffee...lol! 

So Appa, Coffee and me, would happen all the time....I miss and cherish those moments, I miss talking to him, listening to him. I miss that moment, the coffee moment...the moment, we both used to pause, and silently sip the coffee and those silent moments conveyed million emotions! Miss them! But on this day, I would love to pause for a moment and sip my coffee, alone....remembering those wonderful moments of my life with Appa. Once again Happy Birthday Appa. Thank you for everything you have taught, I respect, admire and I am grateful.