7 Years !

 June 2nd marks 7 years of Appa leaving me/us(my brother and myself) ! I still remember the phone call...it was evening 5.30-6 PM, there and here it was 8.30 AM ! He was still there breathing...when I got the call....I imagined him in the bedroom where he was sleeping...I tried to say Appaaaa...did he hear, did I cross in his mind, before he left, did he felt she did not come and I could not see her before leaving....!

And then suddenly I heard my niece crying loud.....I knew he left ! It was only 10 months 22 days since Amma left me/us! For the world, he/they were old, they had seen everything, kids education/marriage/grand kids/progress....! But for me, I just felt like a 6 year old kid left all alone on the unknown street, suddenly, unknown place, unknown people, big wide world, do not know what to do !!

I cried tooo...but mind had become silent, total silence in my head! What did just happened, I lost both the parents, in less than a year! Really, seriously, for sure I lost both of them, like OMG!! 

And that feeling even after 7 years, I just felt the same yesterday...wanted to write this blog yesterday, its not that I did not had time...but I just felt the same silence in my head, as 7 years before! 

My laptop was totally dead, I charged it thinking to write yesterday, as it was June 2nd! But somehow, I felt the same silence in my head! His deep voice, the way he used to call my name, so affectionate, the warmth of his hand, the peaceful look, the affectionate look, most importantly, "the pride/proud look" about me he had...I realized no one on this earth until now, has looked at me 'proudly'!!

His look when I said I am doing "Medical Billing and Coding", when I said, I will be working as a "Substitute teacher", when I said "I did Ganesha Pooja, fasting", When I said I invited 35 people and cooked everything from scratch myself and everyone loved the food, when he saw the pictures of the "rangoli" he proudly told my aunty "see how she does all these, even when she is there", When I travelled alone, When I literally did nothing great or nothing big in my life, still he was the only one, who was proud, of all my smallest, negligible things I did!

He always encouraged, patted my back, always there for me, no matter what I did or what I did not do at all! 

Today I miss him so dearly, today I miss that pat on my back, today I miss that warm touch, today I miss that proud look, today I miss that smile on his face, looking at me !

I cannot tell him and see his face what all I am doing and what all I am not doing...to listen to his warm words, kind words, encouraging words, his assurance that its going to be alright! 

But I cherish every moment, every time I spent with him. Miss you Appa, you are the best and I am thankful, grateful, to you for what you have taught me, given me! Love you so much Appa.

I had coffee with him many times at "Roti Ghar" in Gandhi Bazar! Our coffee moments used to be silent, as both of us enjoyed every bit of it! Last week when I went with my brother to drink coffee at Roti Ghar, I remembered him.....I made sure I took a picture of it! My cousin asked me, what's the reason you are taking pictures, I said, an inspiration for my writing !As I knew I will be writing about coffee, Roti Ghar and Appa! Cheers Appa, the coffee was awesome ! Missed drinking with you!