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7 Years !

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  June 2nd marks 7 years of Appa leaving me/us(my brother and myself) ! I still remember the phone call...it was evening 5.30-6 PM, there and here it was 8.30 AM ! He was still there breathing...when I got the call....I imagined him in the bedroom where he was sleeping...I tried to say Appaaaa...did he hear, did I cross in his mind, before he left, did he felt she did not come and I could not see her before leaving....! And then suddenly I heard my niece crying loud.....I knew he left ! It was only 10 months 22 days since Amma left me/us! For the world, he/they were old, they had seen everything, kids education/marriage/grand kids/progress....! But for me, I just felt like a 6 year old kid left all alone on the unknown street, suddenly, unknown place, unknown people, big wide world, do not know what to do !! I cried tooo...but mind had become silent, total silence in my head! What did just happened, I lost both the parents, in less than a year! Really, seriously, for sure I lost both o
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Happy Birthday Appa

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It's been exactly one year, I wrote a blog. It's January, Appa's birth month, 22nd is his birthday! Well I always remember his birthday as 23rd and Amma's as 22nd. But as brother says, its 22nd Appa's birthday, may be for this year, I will consider his birthday as 22nd! (lol). Well I have the biggest reason for today, it's already 22nd January in India, but in my part of the world its still 21st January, night.  So 22nd is being celebrated all over India, the inauguration(Prana Prathishthapane) of lord Rama temple in Ayodhya after waiting for 500 years. It's a celebration day in India, I was watching on television, how people are excited, happy, celebrating like a festival, all over India. I am excited too.  So for that reason, when India is celebrating, it's happy times for me as well, it's anyway appa's birth month, weather 22nd or 23rd, it's fine, double celebrations for me!  Was wondering when I watching tv this morning, what would Appa s
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94th Birthday

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Cheers Appa, MTR coffee!  Today in my part of the world, it's January 26th, I am 3 days late in writing this blog. It was Appa's Birthday, on 23rd and he would have turned or he turned 94 years! And it will be 6 years, this June 2nd, he left us(my brother and myself). Life is moving on, days, months, years are passing by. Our kids are growing up, already getting ready to spread their wings and all the preparations are going on, to flying out of the nest, in search of their own life, shaping them, creating them....! I will miss them...! Appa never expressed how he felt....but I always knew, he missed me very much. I saw in his eyes! The eyes conveyed millions of emotions. But he never expressed anything, until my last visit. Well, we both did not know it would be the last time I will be seeing him alive, 6 years ago, the same time, in Jan when I spent one month with him, when he was unwell. Before leaving, I hold his hands and said 'I will miss you, Appa'! And for that h
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5 years!

 It's been a long time, me writing a blog. Life is going on too fast, craving my attention in all directions, and am struggling, juggling, handling or try to handle each and every single thing, in the best possible way, I can. Or at least I am thinking I am handling in best possible way!  At the end of the day, when I hit the bed and try to rest my body and mind, turn my face side ways and try to find a comfortable, relaxing, resting position or part on my bed and try to ease down, try to calm down myself from all the running around, stressing myself, trying to be the best, neglecting myself so much.....! Still so many things pending to do or my head would be planing for the next day or my heart would be judging me that, this thing I could have done better or this I should not have mentioned or many times, oh I should have answered in a better way...! Mind can't just shut down or wind down and sleep, just sleep!  Among all these thoughts, all these running around, pleasing ever
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Possibilities

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It’s been a while, I blogged.....as we are all in the middle of Pandemic, well, am assuming middle of pandemic, whether we are in the middle, end or still in the beginning, time will let us know! Actually not busy, is life, as it used to be 5 months before. Yet, some kind of anxiousness all the time, keeps you occupied and not allowing you to do things or enjoy things you would used to do, before.  So I haven’t blogged though I felt many times!  Past 48 hours there was power outage because of hurricane and strong fierce full winds and rain.  As the trees fell and electric poles fell, it disrupted the entire state’s power supply, leaving people in anger and frustration. As it’s hot summer, without Air conditioning it’s miserable. All the food in freezer and refrigerator gone bad and had to throw the food. Husband’s official work got disrupted as there is no power or internet connection.   But power came back after 48 hours, and this morning, we lost power for few mins, but came back.  Y
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Self Made Man

Today is Appa’s ceremony! Completes, 3 years, since he passed away. He turned 91 years, this year, he was a strong man, except he fell ill, after, Amma left. He was/is a strong influence in my life. His principles and outlook about life has greatly influenced, just not to me, many people used to come and talk to him, listen to him and respected him a lot. His philosophies about life, the way he used to connect those, to real life issues, was amazing! As he used to call himself as a ‘self made man’, which is one hundred percent truth. He lost his father at the age of four, and 4 years later, Appa’s grandfather, performed, thread ceremony, so Appa became eligible to perform yearly ceremonies of his father! Appa performed his father’s(my grandfather) ceremony until the last day of his life, every year, with so much of ‘Shradde’(dedication), bhakthi(devotion) which I haven’t heard or seen, in my life time. Well, I like to explain, why am saying not heard or seen, because, Appa don’t h
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Challenging times

Good morning!  In my part of the world it’s morning.  It’s the same sunrise, cloudy, it’s Saturday, spring has begun, a day like this, would have started busy, filled with enthusiasm.  But it’s the same sunrise and sunset and same cloudy, rainy, still chilly mornings, flowers blooming.....but there is, a huge amount of silence, a calmness, which is filled with scare! It’s irony that, nature has not stopped even a second but life has come to a state of stillness which is not healthy, which is not right. As Appa always used to say, there are things beyond all these scientific reasonings and logic!! Which I feel at the every step of the way, now, is so true, so true.  There are things which are not under our control, nor money, power, science, intelligence can fix it, buy it or rectify the current situation! As Appa would say in Sanskrit, ‘Budhi Karmanu Saarini’!  Means A man’s mind always function under the influence of past karmas’! So under current circumstances, this fits well.  
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